341 days

My husband is away on business out of state and he will not be home tonight.  This is not anything unusual in our 17-year marriage, in fact is seems rather normal.  What makes it unusual is that it is December 19^th and ithis the first night that he has been away in 2011. 

                After a relaxing and fun-filled Christmas vacation, on January 2, 2011, he went to work, looking forward to a year of exciting challenges.   To his shock, he received the news that his department was eliminated, and after 21 years of service, he was no longer needed.  He did receive a nice severance package, but that did little to ease the pain.  I am glad, that on that day we did not know that he would not work for another 341 days!

                Yet, I would not give up this past year.  Unemployment changed our lives, permanently, for the better.  While we have been giving God thanks and praise for my husband’s new job, we are also thankful for the many blessing we received during the past 11 months.

                This time last year, I was concerned about the distance that my husband’s travel was creating between him and our 13-year old son.  The years seem to be flying by so quickly.  As my son prepared to entering High School, I could almost see the beginning of college as a distant wave in the ocean that was rushing to the shore far more quickly that I desired. I was afraid that my son would be gone from the house before my husband realized it.

                This year, my husband spent hours with my son practicing his baseball and football skills.  My husband attended nearly all of his sporting and Scouting events.  They have watched movies and sporting events together.  This year of “hanging out” together had strengthened their relationship permanently.

                Another blessing is the increase in our faith this year.  My husband drove down to the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in DC one day each week to pray.  He found great encouragement and comfort in this time with our Lord.  Through a new men’s group at church, he established friendships with a number of godly men.  The combination of an established routine of prayer and a community of men with the same values drove an exponential growth in this faith and trust in God.

                My faith increased in that I had to turn his job search over to the Lord.  Not having a regular paycheck pushed one of my hot buttons.  It made me realize how much I count on money for security.  Turning our financial future over to God was a huge step, as was the decision to open his search to jobs across the country.  Although we didn’t want to move, we sought God’s guidance as his job search stretched to nine months.  As it turns out, we will not be moving now.  However, we are now open to moving at some point in the future.

                My husband had the opportunity to spend time with his mom and dad this year.  We lost his dad in August.  My husband spent many, many hours with him in the last weeks of his life.  Likewise, in the days planning for the funeral and in the weeks after, he was able to take the time to grieve and to be with others in their grief. 

                I am grateful and thankful to our great and mighty Lord for these 341 days.  He took our sorrow and helped us dance through these days.  Moreover, he did it in such a way that changed our lives forever - for the better!   

What is a Gift?

                For some reason, gifts are on my mind today!  I spend part of the morning at the post office mailing the last of the out of town gifts for the year.  I am very excited and happy about the gifts that I/we are giving this year. 

Just after Thanksgiving, I saw a contest on the web titled, “My horrible holiday gift” contest sponsored by a hotel chain. In anticipation of the “thousands – if not millions – of awful, embarrassing gifts that will be received” by Americans this Christmas, it will reward gift recipients for sharing their stories on line.  People can trade in less-than-desirable gifts for “valuable prizes”.

This is what we have come to, expecting to receive what we don’t want and finding a way to turn it into what we do want.  Dictionary.com defines gift as “something given voluntarily without payment in return”.  It occurs to me that Christmas gift giving is no longer voluntarily and many of the anticipated “horrible” gifts arise because individuals select gifts out of sheer panic, or because an advertiser has enticed them to purchase the item, or because they feel obligated to give a gift and don’t know what to get.

My favorite gift that I ever gave my mom was a Philadelphia Phillies six dollar coffee mug purchased in San Francisco.  My mom loved baseball and I visited many major league baseball parks with her after my father died.  When we went to a game in Philadelphia in July – in a year long before internet shopping - they didn’t have any mugs.  She was devastated. Yes, she was so sad.  In October that same year, I was in San Francisco for work and had a free evening.  As I walked along the waterfront, I happened upon a store that sold sports souvenirs.  Tucked in a corner, on a shelf that I could not reach, was one Philadelphia Phillies mug.  I bought it, wrapped it securely in my luggage and kept it safe until December 25^th.  I could not wait for her to open it and when she did, she shared my joy! 

This year, due to the economic conditions in my family – we have joined many others in downsizing this Christmas.  I carefully shopped throughout the year when I found something that I thought would be a perfect gift.  Although we spent much less this year, I am very excited about the gifts we are giving.  Most of the gifts I mailed today had been purchased in advanced, I just was not organized enough to get them wrapped and packaged before today!

With just six days before Christmas, maybe it is time to take a time-out from the Christmas (holiday) madness and consider what it is that is really being exchanged.  After all, those original Christmas gifts given to Jesus were things that he would need, given in love.   It is my prayer for you today, that if you are in the middle of the Christmas madness that you take a deep breath and remember that a gift is given voluntarily.  (Just as Jesus gave us the greatest gift – voluntarily!)

Wishing you much peace in these final days of Advent!

Can I be a Stretcher-Bearer?

The well-known narration of man bringing a paralyzed man on a stretcher to Jesus is found in Luke, Chapter 5.  The crowd was great, that they went up on the roof and lowered him through the tiles.  Jesus cures the paralyzed man in front of the scribes and Pharisees.  It is a familiar story.

Today, the priest preached about the faith of the stretcher-bearers.  Once they lowered their friend or relative or perhaps even master through the roof, Jesus saw them.  Luke Chapter 5 says, “When Jesus saw their faith, he said to (the men bearing the man), ‘As for you, your sins are forgiven.’” 

I had not focused on the action of those stretcher-bearers until today.  It took effort to bring the paralyzed man; from we do not know what distance.  They so believe that Jesus could help, that they brought the paralyzed man up on the roof, and lowered him in front of Jesus! Because of their faith, that man was in front of Jesus when Jesus wanted to show the scribes and Pharisees that “the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.”   He told the man to “rise pick up your stretcher, and go home.” Than man did just that, glorifying God.

Somehow, thinking about being a stretcher barer is not as intimidating as being an evangelist.  

Today, our pastor encouraged us to be the ones that bring people to Jesus by our words and actions.  To help them understand the important difference in lives who have Christ as King.  We can be sure that then Jesus will do the rest.  As the priest preached, I could think of two people who have been on my mind for a while who I would like to speak to about my faith.

My resolution during Advent is to be a stretcher-bearer for each of them.  To bring one to church and to speak with the other about how God has changed my life enormously.  I pray that I have the courage and wisdom to be their stretcher-bearer this Advent.

Who can do all things?

                Monday was not a good day for me.  We arrived home on Sunday night at 11:30 pm after a 10 hours drive from Michigan.  We enjoyed festive days of celebrating Thanksgiving with family and catching up with numerous friends.  We lunched with my mom’s best friend, celebrated impending nuptials with a daughter of a friend, golfed in the 60-degree weather, bowled with five sorority sister and their families, and brunched with some college friends in Ann Arbor.  While the pace was not frenetic, we were busy.  My husband had a cold and I got little sleep on Sunday night.

                Others reasons for restless sleep include the fact that I was coming home to the important work of closing as may gifts as possible for my clients before December 31^st and there was a list of volunteer commitments that was nearly as long as my  childhood list to Santa.  Add all of the Christmas activities, including decorating the house and creating our Christmas cards and wanted to hit the ground running!

                During morning mass and my prayer/journaling time, I was very distracted by the list of things that I need to accomplish this week.  Now, the truth is that the world will not come to the end if this work is not completed, but this is what was on MY agenda for the week.  I worked to get through the glut of emails.  At noon, I had finished very little.  I simply could not focus on one thing!

                I felt myself on the edge of an abyss of despair and depression.  Depression had been a continual companion of mine in the years before I came back to God. This feeling was alarming to me. What is going on with me? I thought.

                I pulled up mid-day prayers on my smart phone and in the first reading, the Psalmist was crying out to God for help.  I prayed the mid-day prayers, then went back to the first Psalm, and prayed it twice over, knowing that I needed God’s help.  On my drive to a client’s office in the afternoon, I prayed the Joyful Mysteries and on the way back the Sorrowful Mysteries – this time for those dealing with depression.

                In the evening, I received encouragement from a couple of sources including the book that I was just beginning.   I learned that St. Teresa of Jesus wrote Interior Castle at the request of her superiors because her previous book was in the hands of the Inquisition.  This happened while her local superiors and Rome were questioning many the reforms she had made within her community.  In spite of this, she wrote this great classic on prayer.

                The next day, I found more encouragement in the morning prayers. Then it dawned on me.  Who can do all things?  Is it I?  Of course not.  In all of the activity of celebrating and working, I was forgetting to give thanks and praise to our Lord.  I was not allowing Him to work in me.  My unrealistic schedule of things to do made me feel overwhelmed.  I went to morning Mass and spent nearly an hour in prayer and study.  What a difference it made!  This just might be the “wake up “call that I needed to slow down this Advent and enjoy this time of waiting.