"One step enough for me"

               It’s just weeks before Christmas, which means I am focused on end of the year fundraising for my clients as well as preparing for family Christmas activities, decorating and spending some time in prayer each day.  For me, the end of the year means planning for next year for my clients and business.  This year, I am finding myself quiet anxious about the coming year. 

               For many years, probably decades, I was anxious about the future.  Planning and re-planning and obsessing over the smallest details were a part of my everyday life.  Although I realized I was falling into a period of depression, I could not find a way to relieve the anxiety.

               Then in the summer of 2008, God swept me back to him and the anxiety left as I learned to depend on Him for the future.  But the last few weeks, the anxiety has returned, in spite of time in prayer and frequent confession.

               Last Wednesday night, my husband and I found ourselves in the unusual situation of having an evening to spend alone. Our son was at batting practice and Dave’s mom had retired early.  We sat in the family room while he read and I finished a project for one of my clients, occasionally conversing about Christmas plans, household details, school and Scouts.  As I finished work, I found myself tired, but didn’t want to go to bed, because it was so pleasant to spend time with my husband.  In fact I was so tired that I didn’t want to get up to get my book.

               Routing through my brief case, I found the September issue of Word Among Us that I had not read.  This particular issue was devoted to Blessed John Henry Newman, of whom I knew very little.  Several times, I had it in my hand to recycle, but decided to keep it to read later. I opened the cover and was interested to learn about his life and his struggles.

               The surprise for me came in the second article written by a Benedictine Abbot.  In the article, the author wrote about the unusual path traveled by Blessed Newman. It was a path that included misunderstanding, criticism, and loss of friends.  His hymn titled, “Lead, Kindly Light” and include the line, “I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me”.  I stopped, shook my head and reread the paragraph.

               This is the answer!  In the past few weeks, the anxiousness occurred because of my desire to know what 2013 would bring.  I want life to “get back to normal”, knowing that these is no such thing!  I paused to thank God for the quiet evening that allowed me to finally open this issue.  The Lord knows that much of the time I want to look far ahead of the next step.

               I have a new mantra for this season, “one step enough for me”.  Let me focus on this moment today and let the future arrive one step at a time.