It has been a hectic and emotional August for my family. On August 1st, we learned that my father in law’s kidneys had worn out. Dialysis was not an option and this funny, strong, loving man was transferred into hospice care for the remaining days of his life. Jim and Dave’s mom had been living with us for the past two years, so he was a member of our immediate family.
His death on August 5th, and burial and wake on the 9th created a whirlwind of activity: planning, praying, cleaning, hosting out of town family members and grieving. On Tuesday morning, I awoke after a restless night of sleep, feeling spent. As I opened my eyes and rolled over in bed, at the 5:30 am alarm, I was very tempted to close my eyes and go to sleep. But, if I wanted to celebrate the Eucharist today, I had to make the 6:30 morning mass.
With all of the chaos, my prayer life had been inconsistent and I hadn’t journaled in several days. I had misplaced my daily prayer book, so I reached for my phone , found the daily office site and prayed the morning prayers to begin my day.
On the drive to church, I listened to a CD of songs by Beata, a group of young women whom I had babysat more than 15 years ago. The fourth song is St. Augustine’s prayer. I was humming that song as I entered the church just as mass was beginning: My heart searches restlessly and finds no rest ‘til it rests in Thee.
It was the feast day of St. Stephen, a King of Hungry. The priest’s homily focused on the difference that his life made for the people of Hungry both in the past and today. And that each one of our lives can make a difference. Certainly a thought worth pondering.
I found a quiet in the prayers of the liturgy and after mass, settled down to pray about today’s readings. But the prayer of St. Augustine continued to replay itself in my mind: My ceaseless longings hid the deeper truth and in all my desirings, I was desiring you.
Of course, I thought with a sense of relief. That is the answer. My days had been spent in activity and I had not found time to simply be in the presence of God. My restless night’s sleep might have been more peaceful if I had just turned my thoughts to the Lord, instead of being worried about what the morning would bring.
As I end my day, I am taking some extra time to read a couple of my favorite chapters of Luke and to just be in His presence. St. Augustine really did have it right, unless that God shaped hole is filled, I am restless. “Oh Seeker you sought for me. Your love has found me I am taken by Thee.”
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