It's Just the Next Step

                During the past year, I have had a regular confessor.  I wasn’t particularly looking for one.  Then, one day at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in DC, I entered the confessional and the counsel that I received from the priest was so completely on target, that I would have thought that he had known me for some time. 

                A few weeks after that encounter, I learned of his confession schedule and began to go every other Sunday to “Mary’s House” to confess my sins to the Lord and receive His counsel though Fr. Bob.  Over the months, Fr. Bob spoke often of the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit - sometimes asking me to listen for those subtle nudges and sometimes pointing out the times when I followed the Spirit’s direction.

                The greatest benefit in going to him regularly, is that he challenges me in various areas of my life.  His words are not judgmental or harsh, but he asks me to consider my actions in the context for God’s love for me and for the world.  I found my definition of sin changing from what I did “wrong” to what I have done (or not done) that is not pleasing to God.

                Often, the penance I received focused on the Our Father. Rather than simply saying the Our Father, he would ask me to concentrate on a particular phrase of this powerful prayer.  Over the past year, my understanding of and joy in praying the Our Father has increased drastically due to focusing on phrases such as “Thy will be done” and “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us” .

                 It has become our habit to talk for a few moments after absolution, if there wasn’t a line.  So in addition to being my confessor, Fr. Bob provided spiritual direction.  On Palm Sunday, after receiving absolution, he said, “our time together is coming to an end”.  I certainly wasn’t prepared for this comment, since this routine of regular confession has become an important part of my spiritual growth.          

                I learned that he is leaving Washington DC for a position in another part of the country.  His Ph. D., earned from Catholic University last year, will be put to tremendous use in this new position. Intellectually, I am thrilled for this opportunity for him and for the Church. Yet, I left the Shrine, one week before Easter, feeling sad, and a little abandoned.

                After prayer and consideration, I have put this loss of this Holy man of God into context.  And realize that it is time for him to take the next step and the same can be said for me.  Perhaps it means finding another regular confessor or perhaps the Spirit will guide me through a variety for priests.  It does not mean giving up my regular, comfortable schedule of celebrating the sacrament of Confession.  I need to be open to listening for that nudge that will help me take the next step in the right direction.

                Isn’t that what he asks me to do everyday!

Being Open

                While talking to a friend this morning about a family issue, he said, “It is good to be open (to God’s will).”  Maybe it is good, but it can also be daunting, intimidating and even terrifying, especially for me, who is most comfortable having a plan to execute, not a blank canvas of opportunities.

 

That is where my husband and I are on a current issue.  We haven’t been getting the results in a matter where we were so sure that we were in the place that God wanted us.  So sure, that the potential of looking at other alternatives didn’t even cross our mind.

                So sure, that even when other possibilities were mentioned that we didn’t consider them.  Then a series of encounters, over a short period of time caused me to pray about the possibility.  By not opening that door, and being so sure that we are in the “right” place, are we following God’s plan for us?  The question was unnerving and life changing.  When I discussed it with my husband, opening that door seemed like the right thing to consider.

                Nevertheless, isn’t that always the case with being willing to follow God’s plan for us?  As a child of the 70’s, the goal was to get a good education, find a well paying job, marry a good man, buy a house in a good neighborhood. ... Well, you get the idea.

Here my husband and I are in mid-life with all of those things that we thought were important in life.  Evaluating our future and asking if God has something else for us, something very different, is unnerving.  Will He take us to a place that will completely change our lives?  If we choose not to “be open”, will we miss out on the opportunity for something not only good for us, but also for others?   

We have become “open”.  Open to more than having good jobs to pay the bills.  Open to wanting to do His will.  While neither of us is like Peter, enthusiastically jumping out of the boat to walk on water, we have taken the tentative first steps of trusting in God for the next step in our lives. It has been two weeks since we “became open” and the possibility is still daunting, but not terrifying or even intimidating.  It has brought us closer to each other and to our Lord.

That blank canvas that could be our future doesn’t look empty at all.  It looks filled with opportunities.