Pour, Pour, Pour

               A few days ago, while running to retrieve a football I was repeating “pour, pour, pour” over and over.  I found myself on the football field with my 15 year-old son. He wanted to practice punting and kicking, in the hopes that he might replace the graduating kicker on his high school football team next fall.  My husband usually handles the sport practices, but he was under the weather with a terrible cold.

               Earlier that week, I had been using Jeff Cavin’s new Bible Study titled “Walking Toward Eternity”.  It uses Lectio Divina to study several different topics, including love.  The passage I was reading was 1 Corinthians 13.  I think of this chapter as the wedding passage.  Having been to countless weddings with the reading, “Love is patient, love is kind”, my husband and I chose not to use it when planning our wedding 19 years ago. 

               I read the passage out loud twice and then quietly prayed with it.  I envisioned a water fall, understanding that true love is like a waterfall that pours and pours and pours.  The question in the journal asked me to describe the passage and I wrote “unending pouring”. 

               If love truly “never ends” and is all of the things described in 1 Corinthians 13, then it is like a waterfall pouring over those who are loved.  That means that I am the "pourer" of love over those I love.  To be able to pour means emptying myself, even when it feels like I don’t have anything more to give (or  don’t want to give any more).

               Later that day, I found myself on the football field, chasing down balls that landed on a fabric covering.  Rightly, my son didn’t think it was a good idea for him to run on the fabric with cleats.  First he enthusiastically practiced 8 or 10 punts (being filmed by me), and then 8 or 10 extra points.  He analyzed each kick, looked at the video to determine his form and then kicked the ball again. The clock was ticking.  I watched my watch as the minutes flew by, knowing that I needed to get home, shower change and get to church to lector at the 5 pm mass.

               As I was chasing that ball, I wanted to shut the practice down and go home.  And then the words, “pour, pour, pour” came into my head.  I realized that being generous with my time was the way I was pouring out my love for him (and for Him) that afternoon.  We gathered the kicking paraphernalia and headed for home 50 minutes before mass.

               We arrived at church 12 minutes in advance of the beginning of mass.  That was late for me, but in plenty of time to gather a sense of calm and prepare for reading.  My hair was slightly damp and I the only makeup was mascara on my lashes.  I doubt that anyone noticed.  But my son knows that I was willing to help him in this new venture and the Lord knows that I did my best to “pour” my love out for him that afternoon.

"One step enough for me"

               It’s just weeks before Christmas, which means I am focused on end of the year fundraising for my clients as well as preparing for family Christmas activities, decorating and spending some time in prayer each day.  For me, the end of the year means planning for next year for my clients and business.  This year, I am finding myself quiet anxious about the coming year. 

               For many years, probably decades, I was anxious about the future.  Planning and re-planning and obsessing over the smallest details were a part of my everyday life.  Although I realized I was falling into a period of depression, I could not find a way to relieve the anxiety.

               Then in the summer of 2008, God swept me back to him and the anxiety left as I learned to depend on Him for the future.  But the last few weeks, the anxiety has returned, in spite of time in prayer and frequent confession.

               Last Wednesday night, my husband and I found ourselves in the unusual situation of having an evening to spend alone. Our son was at batting practice and Dave’s mom had retired early.  We sat in the family room while he read and I finished a project for one of my clients, occasionally conversing about Christmas plans, household details, school and Scouts.  As I finished work, I found myself tired, but didn’t want to go to bed, because it was so pleasant to spend time with my husband.  In fact I was so tired that I didn’t want to get up to get my book.

               Routing through my brief case, I found the September issue of Word Among Us that I had not read.  This particular issue was devoted to Blessed John Henry Newman, of whom I knew very little.  Several times, I had it in my hand to recycle, but decided to keep it to read later. I opened the cover and was interested to learn about his life and his struggles.

               The surprise for me came in the second article written by a Benedictine Abbot.  In the article, the author wrote about the unusual path traveled by Blessed Newman. It was a path that included misunderstanding, criticism, and loss of friends.  His hymn titled, “Lead, Kindly Light” and include the line, “I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me”.  I stopped, shook my head and reread the paragraph.

               This is the answer!  In the past few weeks, the anxiousness occurred because of my desire to know what 2013 would bring.  I want life to “get back to normal”, knowing that these is no such thing!  I paused to thank God for the quiet evening that allowed me to finally open this issue.  The Lord knows that much of the time I want to look far ahead of the next step.

               I have a new mantra for this season, “one step enough for me”.  Let me focus on this moment today and let the future arrive one step at a time.

Thoughts for the Celebration of Advent

The Religious Education Director at my parish asked me to speak to the parents are preparing for Advent.  I have given this talk in the past and went in search for some new material. In the context of the Year of Faith here are some of my thoughts about preparing for the coming of Jesus. 

In October 2011, our Holy Father released a letter that declared a year of faith beginning Oct 11, 2012 and ending on November 24, 2013.  The Year of Faith is also tied into the much promoted New Evangelization. Pope Benedict believes that the Holy Spirit is giving us the opportunity and grace to rediscover our faith in this Year of Faith.  And what better time for us to begin than in preparation of Christ’s birth?

Let’s review some thoughts of our Holy Father, Pope Benedict.  On Wednesday, during the general audience, our Holy Father spoke about the role of family in faith.  Speaking specifically about parents, he said: 

·        Sharing the faith with children and others should be done in a clear, joyful and simple manner.

·        The Second Vatican Council says that parents are the first messengers of God. 

·        They are called to rediscover their mission to open small minds to the love of God.

·        A fundamental role of parents is as the first catechists. 

·        Always be joyful. Help all members of the family understand that faith is not a burden, but a deep source of joy.

Do your children know who Jesus is and what it did? St. Bernard describes Jesus life as follows:  He lay in a manger and rested on a virgin’s breast, preached on a mountain, and spent the night in prayer. He hung on a cross, grew pale in death, and roamed free among the dead and ruled over those in hell.  He rose again on the third day, and showed the apostles the wounds of the nails, the signs of victory; and finally in their presence he ascended to the sanctuary of heaven. 

And He sent the Holy Spirit to remain with us until He comes again.  One activity that may help Jesus come alive in the hearts of your children is to use the internet to find the places where Jesus lived.  Explore them together.

Advent is a time of waiting and preparing ourselves for the coming of Christ.  We can and should use this time to rebuild our own hearts.  I suggest a three-fold approach to rebuilding Advent hearts in your homes, adoration, Mary and Penance.

Adoration - I used to think that you had to be really holy to go to Adoration.  Now I believe that Adoration is for everyone, even the unbeliever.  During Adoration you may pray, think, read, and contemplate in the presence of Jesus. Plan to attend Adoration with your family during Advent. Come with your family and spend 15 or 20 minutes with Jesus.  Do this every month in 2013 and see what a difference it will make in your life and the life of your family.

Celebrate Mary – Because she said, " Yes", Jesus was born. Three great Marian feast days take place in the next month – Dec 8 –Mary’s Immaculate Conception, Dec 12 – Our Lady of Guadalupe, Jan 1 –Mary, Mother of God.  Come as a family to mass all of these days.  (Two of them are Holy Days of Obligation.)  Pray a decade of the Rosary each evening with your family.  You’ll be through all four of the mysteries before Christmas comes!

Penance - It is the most misunderstood sacrament of the Church.  I recently heard a priest say that the best reason to come to confession is because Jesus should have the opportunity to say, “I forgive you” and that is what he does thought our Priests.  In Psalm David writes, “Create in me a clean heart, Oh Lord”.  Have all of your family members receive a clean heart during Advent.

Today, after you pick up your children, sit down and talk about Advent.  Ask them how your family should prepare for Jesus’ arrival on earth.  You might be surprised with their response.  However you celebrate Advent, remember the Holy Father’s comments: clear, joyful and simple manner, open small minds to God, faith is not a burden, but a deep source of joy.

Mary, Mother of God and my Mother

Four and a half years ago, as God was in the process of reclaiming me, I realized that I needed to understand more about Mary, the Mother of God.  I had been Catholic for more than two decades, but she played a minuet role in my faith life.  I had just finished praying the rosary, a new practice for me, and I felt urged to have both a closer relationship with her and to understand Marian theology.  I immediately walked the four blocks to The Catholic Information Center in DC.

The selection of books was overwhelming.  While I didn’t consciously say a prayer to make a good choice, I do believe the Holy Spirit guided my selection.  I decided to purchase True Devotion to Mary.  I had no idea that it was a Catholic classic, or that it was written in the early eighteenth century and not published until 1842.   Of all of the books available about Mary, I selected the one written by St. Louis de Monfort, a Dominican priest.   

   I curled up with the book at home in the evenings and learned that Mary is the ultimate role model for Christians.  She said “Fiat” (or yes) to God’s messenger when asked to become the Mother of Jesus.      De Montfort’s writings, nearly 300 years old, helped me to understand the theology of Mary.  In the book he promoted a consecration to Mary, something that intrigued me but I was not even close to being ready for it.

Over the past year or so, I have thought of revisiting the book to determine whether I was ready to try the consecration.  It is de Montfort’s belief that the fastest and truest way to Jesus is through Mary, his mother.  My relationship with Mary has grown dramatically in the past few years.  Of all of her names, Mary, Mother of God is my favorite.

In August, at the Catholic Writers Conference, I heard Fr. Michael Gaitley speak about his book, “33 Days to Morning Glory”.  It is a do it yourself retreat in preparation for Marian Consecration. It focuses on how the life of de Montfort as well at Blessed John Paul II, St. Maximilian Kolbe and Blessed Teresa of Calcutta were influenced by an intense devotion to Mary.

It was de Montfort’s plan that the preparation begins so that it ends on a Marian Feast Day.  I pulled the book from the shelf and thought about doing the retreat as a part of my Lenten practice this year.  Over a two week period, I found myself reading the introduction and last week looked to see when I would begin to end on the next Marian feast day. I began this retreat on November 29^th and, God willing, will complete the process on January 1^st, the feast of Mary, Mother of God.

Coincidence?  I think not.  With three days under my belt, I find prayer more focused.  Father Michael uses a conversational writing style, which I didn’t think I would like for such an important topic.  I have actually found the content something that I am reading a couple of times each day.  Thank you, Father Michael, for this book.  I am looking forward to making it to Morning Glory.

I'm Not Home Yet

I distinctly remember the first November after God swept me back to him.  I was reviewing the daily mass readings each night before I went to bed.  This had been a habit since August, but I was struck by the glum and gloomy readings.  I mentioned to a friend, “The reading this month have been depressing”.  I didn’t understand at the time that November is the month when the Church remembers the dead as it approaches the end of the church calendar.

 

This November, four years distant from that November, I have taken satisfaction in the readings, the masses and the church's focus on the dead.  A significant reason for this is my understanding of the Church’s regard for dead souls.  As a protestant who become Catholic in her 20’s, it is only in the past few years that I understand the teaching on Purgatory and the great need to pray for those who have gone before us. My Dominican family is teaching me about the great benefit for praying for the dead. (And the great benefit we receive from the prayers of those who are now in heaven!)

My parish priest takes special care in the preparation of the All Saints and All Souls liturgies. Envelopes with the names of those to be remembered are on the altar for the entire month, and are prayed for at each mass. The past two years, my mother and my father in law were remembered in the litany of those who had died in that calendar year during the All Souls mass. This year, a good friend, not much older than me, was remembered at the mass. I’ve sent three sympathy cards to friends who have lost parents this month and are remembering their parents during the masses.

Each year, the week of Thanksgiving, my family remembers the birthdays of our fathers, Bob Liike and Martin Holohan.  My father has been gone for more than 25 years, whereas Dave’s for 18 months.  Regardless, we don’t let Nov 24^th or 27^th go by without remembering the important influences that these good men had on us.

At the age of 55, this focus on leaving this life and moving on is more comforting than disconcerting for me.  A current popular Christian song by the group Building 429 comes to mind.  The refrain says:

All I know is I’m not home yet

This is not where I belong

Take this world and give me Jesus

This is not where I belong

No I am not home yet, but, during this month, I am happy to remember those who are on their way, or who have arrived.

A Road Trip

               A few days ago, my sister called and asked me to drive with her to pick up her son at College for Thanksgiving break.  His college is four hours away. This is his first time home since he left for his freshman year at College in August.  My sister and I live about an hour apart, but we haven’t seen much of each other this year.  The idea of taking this road trip was delightful.

               My family vacations growing up were always road trips.  My parents purchased a trailer when I was 6 years old and we would travel the country, camping in the trailer. One summer, we drove from Detroit to California and back.  As an adult, I have flown to the destinations for most of my vacations. I look forward to retirement when my husband and I can hop in the car and travel to interesting and unknown destinations.

               We drove from up I-270 and I-70 to the turnpike and eventually ended at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh.   We drove past the outlet mall and resisted the temptation to shop, toward the mountains on a crystal clear day.  After a short stop for restrooms and coffee at Breezewood, we entered the turnpike and drove past farms, through the tunnel and small towns, viewing dozens of billboards.

               The best part about road trips is the opportunity to talk and to listen, to comment on what is seen and share what you had meant to share.  We talked about our faith, when we first really believed; I shared the reason for why our family changed churches.  We briefly talked politics and she shared what it was like to be an empty nester.

               For me, one of the more interesting observations was a Dunkin’ Donuts billboard.  It let the passersby know that Dunkin Donuts was 32 miles away.  It also said “Wi-FI” and “drive thru”, right next to each other.  I began to giggle and my sister said, “What is going on?”  It took me a few moments to compose myself and share how the billboard seems to sum up current lifestyles. 

               “Drive thru” because we never have time to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee.  Let just get our caffeine fix and go.  And “Wi-Fi” because why would you ever want to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee without being connected to the phone and internet?

               That led us to a long discussion about what is important in life.  For me, spending eight hours in the car with my sister talking and listening is one of the important times of life!

The Lost Wedding Ring

               A few weeks ago, my husband sat down next to me on the couch and said those words that can strike fear in the heart of a spouse.  He said, “I need to talk to you about something.”  When either of us has had something important, intimate or controversial to discuss, we have used a similar phrase.  My reaction to the phrase most likely goes back to my dating days, when it was followed by words to the effect of “you are a very nice girl, but . . .” and the relationship was over.

              

               This time the phrase was followed by, “I can’t find my wedding ring.”  I could tell how awful he felt about it.  He remembered being in church and knocking the ring against the pew on a Thursday night and then when he was driving on Friday; the ring wasn’t on his finger. So the timeframe when he lost it and the places he traveled led both of us to believe it was somewhere in the house.  I let him know that the ring is only a symbol and that it would turn up. 

               

                 Quiet frankly, in the business of the fall activities, I forgot about our conversation, only to be reminded when I ran across my husband dumping the paper recycling out on the garage floor to go through it before it went to the curb for pickup, or when he spent an entire day cleaning out his closet to, unsuccessfully, look for it.

               

                 For me, it is not the ring that binds us together as husband and wife, but our vows before God, that covenant that makes us one.  And after 18 years of marriage, it is certainly not the ring that keeps us together, but the willingness to love each other by giving out entire selves.  At one point when we were in conversation, I let him know that if the ring was not found, we would pick out another one and have it blessed by our Pastor.  In the whole realm of the stresses of life, I didn’t want him to worry about a piece of gold.  Especially since one of the reasons he lost the ring is that he has lost 40 pounds in the past few months and his finger is now thinner.

              

                 Last Friday, I received an email that said that the ring was found.  My son was going through his Scouting backpack, preparing for another camping trip and at the bottom of the bag, he found my husband’s ring (and $16 in cash that he didn’t know he had)!  I could feel the elation and relief that my husband was experiencing as I read the message.

               

               And so the ring is found!  But even better is the knowledge that our marriage is built on solid ground, not on all of the trimmings of our wedding day.  I am thankful for this experience and asked him to go get the ring sized this week, so we wouldn’t have to experience it again!